They said that it couldn’t be done.
He smiled and he went right to it.
He tackled the thing that couldn’t be done,
And he couldn’t do it.
Education is what is left when you’ve forgotten everything you learnt at school.
Death is not extinguishing the light. It is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come. (Rabindranath Tagore)
Smile, they said, things could be worse.
So I did, and they were.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of a deep sense of curiosity.
There is said to be no word in Gaelic which quite expresses the urgency of the Spanish word manana.
Two professors on holiday were sitting on the verandah, chatting.
“Have you read Marx?” asked the first.
“Yes,” replied the other, “I think they are caused by these wicker chairs.”
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
There is a Bed and Breakfast in Plockton called “Nessun Dorma”.
A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.
We are always getting ready to live, but never living. (Thoreau)
Commonly used units
Area: Wales / Isle of Wight / football pitch
Length: London Bus
Volume: Olympic Swimming Pool, Amazon
So, today the issue is, is modern education
seems to you and I to be comprised of recreation.
Prior to today, there was a different criteria:
the grade’s of he who knew the rules of grammer were superior.
(How many contemporary errors can you spot? 9?)
The Scot’s are well renound for their love and ability to argue themselves round in circles.
(Ditto. Not made up, but from the MCofS magazine!)
A Scottish Christian was marooned on a desert island, and built two churches there. When he was rescued, they asked “Why two?” He said “This is the one I go to, that is the one I don’t go to.”
Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must remain silent. (Wittgenstein)
I am called upon to give more opinions than I have time to verify. (A bishop of London)
There’s no such thing as the wrong weather, only the wrong clothes. (Billy Connolly)
There’s no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
Epimenides the Cretan said
“All Cretans are liars.”
The most dangerous chemical? Dihydrogen monoxide.
Add one letter and rearrange the letters for each word.
“No, _ do not like _ _,” said the man with the black _ _ _. “The _ _ _ _ we have
just witnessed in very impressive, but when you _ _ _ _ _ a man, you _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ evidence. There will be _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ against _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
when the _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ of this is realised.”
Men think in herds, they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one. (Charles Mackay, 1841)
Leave no turn unstoned.
The government can be relied on to reach common-
Some Universe Statistics
If the sun is an orange, the next star is in New York.
To make a black hole, squeeze the Earth to the size of a marble.
Expand a human to the diameter of the world, and an atom is a grain of sugar.
Expand an atom to the diameter of the world, and a quark is an apple.
About 100 billion neutrinos from the sun pass through your thumbnail every second.
Regulations in a Peruvian hotel
6. Is not permitted the persons entrance at the rooms, if those persons are not registrated at the hotel.
9. The Administration should demand the immediatelly departure ot the guest that make or promote improper acts. Or endanger the security and prestige of our hotel.
11. At the end of lodging contract the Hotel should be disposed of the room.
12. If the guest will stay out all night shoul leave the lugage ready to keep it at the storage on the contrary the Hotel should can take out the things, but the guest should pay one night to leave the room without move nothing.
…and from a Romanian hotel
It is of a great utility for us the operative and prompt announcing any fire beginning observed in the nearness.
Nobody is perfect.
I am a nobody.
Therefore I am perfect.
A few Cryptic Clues
Gormless mountain dog. (5)
Weapon knight dropped a lot. (5)
All four returned home. (5)
Princess enters sacred recess. (7)
Nature and nature’s laws lay hid in night.
God said “Let Newton be!” and all was light.
It could not last: the devil crying “Ho!
Let Einstein be!” Restored the status quo.
(Alexander Pope and JC Squire)
Random thoughts. Only one item on this page is by me; many are by Anon.
If Murphy were alive he’d turn over in his grave.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
Wood doesn’t grow on trees, you know.
“Do you miss your ex-
“Yes, but my aim is improving.”
He was bored to death by a gull.
Under capitalism man exploits man, and under communism it is just the reverse. (JK Galbraith)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. (Groucho Marx)
P L A N A H E A
Don’t go into the water until you’ve learnt to swim.